Bambi's Got a Gun!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, now I’ve heard it all.

According to THIS report released by the FBI and the ATF, the United States of America’s Number One Threat is now….(drumroll)….Eco-terrorists. Oh yeah, and Animal Rights Activists.

What the fuck?

Last time I checked, the country was still trying to recover from 9/11, was still engaged in two wars, was still knee-deep in nuclear proliferation, and still couldn’t guarantee a financially secure retirement for its citizens.

Now they say I should watch out for Bambi? Fuck Bambi, I’m keeping an eye out for the Ayatollah, Kim Jong Il, and Osama, not necessarily in that order. I don’t care if the whales commit suicide, or if someone torches a gas station in the name of Mother Earth, and I don’t care if PETA says that pharmaceutical companies are jerking off their monkeys too many times in one day.

That’s not to say I don’t care about animals or our environment. I care about them very much. But in terms of my personal priorities, they rank pretty low (Except of course for my three rabbits, cause if they get even a tiny little bit fucked with, I will have kill you).

How can representatives of the FBI and ATF stand there with a straight face and tell me that tree-huggers are the worst domestic threat? Weren’t these two agencies at Waco? Oklahoma City? The Olympics in Atlanta? Aren’t they thinking forward to a time when suicide bombers discover the US, and how to deal with that? Are they wasting my goddamned tax dollars following a bunch of people whose sole preoccupation is PCBs and Mink Fur?

The article in question goes on to talk about a supposed 1200 incidents involving these two groups over the last year. Funny, I don’t seem to recall hearing about them…that must mean that they didn’t cause a large loss of life or damage to property…so why should I give a shit?

Furthermore, if the Bush Administration is so concerned about those wanting to protect the environment, then maybe they should take care not to trash the environment so willfully, like say, drilling in the Artic Wildlife Refuge.

In the meantime, concentrate on the people who have publicly declared their willingness to destroy our country, and whom have the means to do so. Or we could just hold hands and sing Cum-bah-fucking-yah until the nukes start to hit. That would work for me too.