Reasons to Leave the Planet

With the huge growth in the private spaceflight field, I thought it prudent to prepare a list of reasons why we should all stick a rocket up our ass and blast off into the unknown, never to return:

People such as George W. Bush, Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Reverend Al Sharpton, Orin Hatch, Newt Gingrich, Elmo, and my Parents are all excellent reasons to leave the planet immediately.

Taxes

Huge meteors streaking toward the planet as we speak.

Solar Radiation

Rising Gas Prices

Rising Beer Prices

Rising Drug Prices (Legal and Illegal)

Continuing scarcity of beautiful virgins willing to become my love slave.

Continuing scarcity of anyone willing to become my love slave.

Did I mention George W. Bush?

Nuclear Proliferation. I saw a ten year old playing with an H-bomb on the corner last night…

Cheap Real Estate everywhere else in the Universe except Earth. I assume this also applies to taxes, car insurance, groceries, and high-speed modem fees.

Pollution

The lack of any clear planetary goals

The lack of any clear leadership

The lack of any clear walls in ladies locker rooms

Too much paperwork – for everything

Traffic. A family of three usually has at least 12 cars.

Too many goddamned smelly, whiny, wimpy, self-absorbed, blind, deaf, stupid, and fat people.

The lack of huge network TV coverage whenever I update my blog.

ATM’s never malfunction and spit out money when I walk by.

The despair and hopelessness that seems to consume everyone eventually.