George W. Bush has the Intelligence of a Mealworm

Yes, I know – that isn’t exactly news, but I saw this article yesterday and I couldn’t quite pass up the opportunity to mention it here. A direct quote from Bush in the article is:

"This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. Having said that, all options are on the table,"

Is there any red-blooded American out there (with an IQ of above 80, sorry “Red States”) that doesn’t find this statement both hilarious and ridiculous at the same time? While I realize that’s always been a cornerstone of communiqués from the Bush Administration, this little sound bite must have had Karl Rove in the shitter all day with stomach cramps.

First off, the statement is absolutely false. How can it not be? Does anyone really think that they haven’t thought of attacking Iran yet? Especially now that we have two wonderful staging areas due west? Honestly, I hope they have considered attacking, otherwise they would be remiss in the defense of America. But, I really hope that GWB is smart enough to realize that if the United States attacked and invaded a third Arab nation within as many years that it would completely and utterly remove any possibility of prolonged peace in the region for all of our lifetimes?

Now, I know Iran has a nuclear facility. Maybe they even have The Bomb. Maybe Osama is hangin’ wit’ the Shah as we speak, cleaning his Tec-9 and rolling some opium. Even if all of this is true, past diplomatic blunders will completely remove any possibility of support from any other country if we decided to attack, with the exception of poor Britain, who would have no choice but to help us.

This whole quote from Bush just reeks of last month’s fish to me, and is a surprising replay of the rhetoric he was spouting in the wind-up to the invasion of Iraq. Did the White House’s playbook have every single page ripped out except one? What’s next, a UN briefing from Connie in which she shows a bunch of grainy photographs that later turn out to be absolutely false?

GWB, if you’re reading this, do a humble citizen a small favor. For now, concentrate on the despotic country that WE KNOW FOR SURE has nuclear weapons. You know, the one that has the capability to launch them on California? The one that has shown no interest in diplomatic solutions? Can you really afford another yearlong desert scavenger hunt in which all you find is some petrified camel turds at the cost of a thousand dead American Soldiers?

Of course, maybe that would be a good thing – it would get you impeached for sure, and maybe we’d all stop being such pussies and bring back tar and feathering as a punishment for inept leaders like you!